rowan's eating "habits"

i should probably rename this blog "notes from behind a breastpump" because that seems to be when i write these things. my life is pretty busy now, and i guess that's the only time i get to slow down and think. i have been pumping exclusively (i.e. without breastfeeding at all) for almost 6 months now. from what i understand, most women aren't able to do it for that long. i'm not sure why i got so lucky, but i can't say i'll miss it when it's time to stop. it is good for the ro-man so i'll take it while i can. the little bugger will eat from a bottle (something most trached/vented babies won't do), but he's not too interested in breastfeeding. plus after i pump i have to add extra calories and protein to the stuff to make sure he grows sufficiently. babies with BPD (or bronchopulmonary dysplasia--rowan's official preemie-lung-disease diagnosis) burn so many calories just trying to breathe that they often don't grow so well. so even if he was interested in breastfeeding it wouldn't be a great idea...because the milk wouldn't be fortified with the extra calories and protein that he needs. so i pump. and pump. and pump. takes about 30 minutes at a time and i'm supposed to do it every two hours while awake, so you can imagine what a huge time-suck that is. since rowan's been home i'm lucky if i can do it every 4 hours, but like i said before, i'll take what i can get.

we recently went to see pediatric surgery (one of rowan's many specialists) for a follow-up on all the surgeries that rowan has had. the doctor was asking me about rowan's eating habits. he looked a little stunned when i rattled off "80mls of breastmilk fortified to 27 calories +benepro four times a day by mouth if he will take it (if  not we put it in his g-tube--a handy little thing that provides us direct access to rowan's stomach so the poor kid can't get away with not eating), and 27 calorie similac with iron plus benepro plus microlipids continuously at night, 35ml/hr for 7 hours via g-tube." honestly i'm not sure why he was surprised; i'm sure he's seen babies like rowan before. but it struck me once again how regimented and un-natural this all is. it always makes me laugh when rowan has a gassy day and one of the nurses usually finds it necessary to ask me if i ate something funny. um, let's see here...my child is basically being force-fed measured amounts of food with several different types of synthetic additives, not to mention 8 million medications. as soon as he farts twice in a row, let's blame the breastmilk (the only thing he eats that is actually supposed to be easy on his stomach.) yeah, that makes a lot of sense.